Way offside.

In only a way I can manage these things, I’m in a terribly awkward situation at work. Most mornings, I have been in the kitchen at the same time as one of the sports correspondents for LBC.

One day he struck up a conversation.

“What football team do you support?”

Rather than kill his conversation and admit that I don’t really watch football, I foolishly decided to slightly bend the truth.

“AFC Wimbledon” I respond.

In my defence, Wimbledon was my local team growing up. When I say it to people they are impressed with my knowledge. But as they are not a premier league team, no one tends to know much about them so they usually don’t press me for further information. Normally, it’s a safe bet.

“Aaaah! I support Shrewbury Town” he replied.
My blank response prompted him to add “We are in the same division aren’t we?”
“Aha! Yes. That we are…we are arch nemeses!” I responded.
Because I am an idiot.

And from there my tangled web began to weave itself.

I thought nothing of it again until the following Monday.

“Oosh! You took a right thrashing yesterday.” A voice declared from behind me.

“Excuse me?!” I stammer as I spin round.
“Yeah….? Bradford City really beat your boys to a pulp.”

Still clueless as to what on earth he was on about I nodded and for some reason made a weird “grr” noise… it seemed to satisfy him and I hurried out the kitchen.

Anyway this has gone on for nearly three months now. With me pretending to know how AFC Wimbledon is performing and him still appearing to believe me. I’ve actually had to start swotting up on Sunday nights so I know what’s happened over the weekend. It’s shameful.

Now I’m in so deep that it’s too awkward reveal that I actually don’t support any team.

But now the situation has become slightly worse. “We” are playing Stevenage Town on May 5th. My sports friend is very excited and has even suggested we’ll ‘see each other there’.

Good lord.
Am I that scared of revealing myself as a big fat liar that I’ll end up going to a match?!

So now I avoid the kitchen as much as possible, I even find myself going all the way to Heart Radio’s kitchen to make my morning coffee.

Think before you lie people.

Especially when you decide to tell a harmless little porkie-pie about football to a sports journalist…


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