The joy of freelancing means that during quieter periods I take up odd jobs including my current stint as a waitress in a hotel. Like all jobs it has it’s ups and downs but one of the particular perks of my current position is it gives me a great opportunity for my favourite past time – people watching.
Last night I did the overnight shift and I thought I’d share what I saw. The overnight shift involved a big party where the alcohol flowed freely and a fun time was had by all the guests. As the bar closed at 4am I began to set the room for breakfast. My problem was at one of the tables sat a drunken couple kissing really quite heavily. Limbs were flying everywhere. Frankly it was the first moment in my life I wish I had one of those “no heavy petting” signs you used to get in swimming pools to nail into the wall.
I overheard the man stop kissing briefly and ask the lady “How old are you?”
This surprised me – I had assumed this very touchy feely couple were well acquainted.
So I let them have a moment and decided to polish cutlery nearby, to perhaps shame them into buggering off – I wanted to set the tables and go home asap. Sadly my nearby noisy cutlery act failed to shoo them away – they had been up for air and now were going back for round two. However the situation suddenly turned into something completely different.
The couple parted mouths for a brief second and were both breathing loudly like Muttley from Wacky Races.
“This is wrong.” said the man
My ears pricked up.
“I know.” she sighed, “I have a boyfriend.”
Ooooh, I thought to myself as I polished the knives. This has become interesting. I realise as I type this that I am now exposing myself as a nosey cutlery polisher – but you’re enjoying the story aren’t you. It gets better. So if you’re planning to judge me on my morals then you’d better stop reading now.
Right, so then as I was saying she had a boyfriend. This gentleman next to her sighed and acknowledged this. She then added “and you have a wife.”
“I know and I love my wife” he added. “But you are a very cool, sexy girl.”
“And you. You are great” she replied. “We are so right for each other.”
Now, I had my back turned so I can’t be sure what happened but I think she fell off her chair because I heard a big crash and when I turned round she was on the floor. I asked if she was OK she said yes and sat back down.
Our forbidden lovers then attempted to part ways, agreeing this was a drunken mistake. The gentleman was particularly admirable by saying things such as “you’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen, but I love my wife”.
But then naughty-lady-with-a-boyfriend stated “I just want to kiss you one last time.”
Don’t do it naughty-man-with-a-wife don’t do it!
“You want to kiss me? I want to kiss you more. I love my wife.”
“I want to kiss you more than you want to kiss me because you love your wife.”
This went on for a bit and I was running out of cutlery to polish. So I wandered off to do something else. I came back hoping they’d kissed and gone their separate ways so I could set for breakfast and go home. Indeed I returned and they were gone.
Then as I got ready to close the restaurant they appeared. They asked me where they could book a room. Together.
As much as I had enjoyed listening into their conversation I didn’t actually want to be involved in their sordid antics in any way.
So I told them we were fully booked and offered to book them taxis to their homes.
As they parted the man said “I’ll always remember this night. Bye babes.”
And remember folks, he loves his wife.