And if he hadn’t been so handsome I might have been less stupid. Handsome men do make even the smartest girls a bit stupid sometimes.
It was the usual tale. Girl meets fit boy at work. Boy and girl start to flirt outrageously.
Then one fateful day on the way home from work he wanted to ask me something. I gazed into his big brown eyes and he could’ve asked me anything and I’d have said yes. He made my tummy flip and twist into knots.
“I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date to Thorpe Park with me next week?”
Of course I’ll go on a bloody date. You are handsome. I’ll go anywhere.
So casually I said “Alright then. I love rollercoasters.”
The second part of the invitation had totally passed me by. He’d invited me to Thorpe Park.
It sounded fun. It seemed quite romantic, a day on rollercoasters with a boy.
Problem was, despite saying I loved them – I’d never been on a rollercoaster.
The following week I found myself at Thorpe Park.
I’d spent ages making myself look like a babe to impress him.
Thorpe Park was loud. The subtle rumble of several rollercoasters storming around above our heads paired with the shrieks of hundreds of people flying around on them was slightly unnerving. It was then and there I realised I didn’t think I’d like being on a rollercoaster.
When I’d gone to theme parks when I was younger, I had always been too short for the big boy rides.
And boy, did the rides look big now.
Tom had planned it all out and we were going on all of them.
The plan was to start me on an “easy one” to get started.
It was fine.
How hard could it be?
“Bring it on” I replied confidently and off we went.
We went on the first one. It has ten loops. It was fucking horrible. Round and round it went at supersonic speed like I was actually attached to an electric drill. Everyone on the ride, including Tom were screaming with their hands in the air as we spiralled.
But I couldn’t.
No sound came out.
My eyes stayed firmly shut, gripping onto my harness praying for it to end.
My tummy was flipping and twisting but not for the right reasons.
I didn’t like it. In fact I hated it.
I decided I’d man up as we went along.
It would get better…
This was the first time in years I’d been on a date with someone I wanted to have a second date with. I wasn’t about to let a few rollercoasters get in my way. I just needed him to think I was fun and not some pathetic girl who couldn’t go on fast rides.
After 3 rollercoasters where I was turned upside down, backwards forwards and sidewards I was still not enjoying rollercoasters. All I had to do was stay cool and keep it casual in front of the handsome man. He seemed alarmed at how silent I was during the rides. And why I seemed to keep trying to push my harness off mid-ride.
I shrugged it off and told him I was having a great time.
I mean who doesn’t love having their stomach thrown about and smashed into their intestines?
Then he took me on Saw.
Saw had a 99.5ft verticle drop and the verticle ascent up the rollercoaster was horrific. I felt the urge to make a sound – maybe I’d scream with excitement and the adrenaline would kick in. I couldn’t contain myself anymore.
Then this came out of my mouth:
“TOM HAWGOOD YOU ARE A C*NT.”
Then we dropped.
Plummeting down 99.5ft and I screamed all the way. I shouted every swear word I knew and some I don’t think existed until that moment.
After what seemed like forever, the 1 minute 40 second ride was over.
I celebrated by punching Tom very hard in the side.
The couple strapped in next to us looked horrified.
Within seconds of coming off the ride I projectile vomited everywhere.
For some reason, six months later, he’s still my boyfriend… but somehow I don’t think he’ll take me to Thorpe Park again in a hurry.