COHABITING: A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO LIVING WITH YOUR NEW PARTNER
Holy crap. You’re moving in with a boy. There’s going to be a man in your flat ALL THE TIME, which hasn’t happened to me since I lived back at home… because my dad lived there too.
It’s a scary time but don’t panic.
Let’s go through a few textbook basics of living with one of them non-girls…
Decide who’s bringing what… who has the best wardrobe? Which set of drawers will you need? How much cutlery have you got? This may all sound boring but… oh fuck it, it is boring – furnishing is dull. Just make sure if he’s bringing his stuff, prepare for the odd surprise at the back of the wardrobe… I mean, I didn’t even know Forrest Hump was a film…
Soft music, sexy lingerie everywhere, more scented candles than a scene from Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo & Juliet… and he’ll have to leave it all behind to move in with you. (My boy is a very sensitive man… he cried at Forrest Hump) The only problem you may encounter… cushions. Men don’t understand cushions, but if he’s going to put up that Fresh Prince of Bel-Air poster – he must allow plenty of your pointless but wonderful cushions. Compromise is your new best friend.
The scariest thing about moving in with someone is the fact you might lose that all important necessity. Being alone. It’s fine. Just plot to have a night where he plays watches Forrest Hump 2 in one room and you have a bubble bath for hours. ‘Me-time Mondays’ are a must in our house.
There are things that will improve with moving in together. Like motivation. If you, like me, hate going to the gym then having someone who goes too will somehow guilt you into going. Set times each week to go that are non-negotiable. At home, Tuesday and Thursday are the days I psych myself up to feel the burn. You will have to put up with his terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression every time I’m afraid.
I’m not even explaining this.
This is where our good old buddy Compromise makes a reappearance. In my house for every football game he watches, I get to hog the TV with an NBA game. Simple.
Ah man. Do NOT ever get into a rut where one person does the laundry. Or so stubborn that NO BODY does it. It’s boring, it’s a pain. Whoever is nearest the machine – just do it. It is NOT romantic to get aggro over dirty clothes.
Perhaps just rip the clothes off him and throw them straight into the machine.
Right. Let’s get this very clear. Just because you live together does not mean you can let the mystery slide. NEVER pee in front of each other. EVER. No matter how close you are. This also goes for squeezing zits, shaving legs and tweezing eyebrows. NOBODY needs to see any of that. Even the most inseparable couple should know when to separate.
You’d think living together means more sex. Right? Nah – the novelty will wear off. Just make sure you keep up the effort. If it’s all fizzled out a bit and he’s sitting there playing that damned play station again… just give up and start making dinner. In your underpants. And nothing else. Except maybe his Brooklyn Nets baseball cap. He’ll soon take notice. But the dinner might get forgotten about…