A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO DATING MUSICIANS.
Dating a hot dude who plays guitar is one of those things that sounds great until you’ve done it. I’ve done it a few times. A few too many times.
If you really want to put yourself through it; here’s my guide to dating a musician.
First, you’ve got to carefully choose what type of musician you want to date:
If you want a guy who will just sit and flick through press photos of himself asking you which one he looks “hottest” in all night then look no further… trust me, this happened to me.
Usually the most intelligent, but also the most needy. They feel overshadowed by the lead singer and will be spending most of their time bemoaning how they’re the true talent of the band. If you like ego stroking then you’ve found your guy.
Bass players are great fun. Usually the fun and outgoing character in the band. But always remember – he’s a bass player. And bass players distract easily.
You see, a bit like the fact they didn’t have the focus to learn all six-strings of a guitar, bass players tend to lose interest as quickly as they found it.
Once they’ve banged you, they’ll be off looking for the next thing to bang.
They’re moody. They’ve got issues.
And if you cancel a date because your dog is sick, they’ll probably write a song about you being a cunt.
Once you’ve found your musician you’ll need to start the hard work.
Here are the dos and don’ts:
DO learn their back catalogue… for some reason they expect you to know every song they’ve ever recorded. Even the obscure bootlegs leaked on youtube.
DO prepare to deal with psychotic female fans hating you… and your new musician man to get a weird kick out of it.
DON’T judge the drinking and drugs – it’s part of what you signed up for.
DON’T join in the drinking and drugs – or you’ll end up in rehab.
DON’T expect to go to the glitzy award shows or red carpet events. You won’t get invited. Apparently their sex appeal will drop when there’s a girl on their arm and it’ll harm their record sales. Just accept this logic, no point in arguing it.
DO prepare to never see your new man. Whether it’s touring, recording til 5am in a studio or attending “promo” he will not be around. Ever.
DON’T be surprised by infidelity. One guy + thousands of chicks wanting to bang him is a pretty straight forward calculation. Wake up and smell the groupies honey.
DO check out their relationship status before getting involved. No one wants to wake up in a hotel room 3 months into a relationship and find his wedding ring on the bedside table. Never happened to me…honest.